Census Poetry

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THE CENSUS IN BOWERSVILLE.
(Baltimore American)

We’re a-kickin’ on the census count down here in Bowersville,
The ?aggeus? that they give us is a might bitter pill.
They show that Pierce’s Station has a ten per cent increase,
An’ Jimtown — well they must a numerated Jimtown’s geese!
But Bowersville! The census shows she hasn’t grown at all,
An’ there’s rage an’ wrath from Henry’s store clear to the City Hall.

We can’t see how they jiggor it, for it has been our pride
That in the last ten years there’s only been two men died.
One of them was a peddler, who just gaped for breath an’ went,
When Deacon Skinner didn’t ask him to throw off a cent.
The other was a fellow who fooled with some dynamite –
Jest a button an’ a freckle was the only things to light.

But, gee-mun-nee! There’s Higgins’ twins, an’ Kesler’s girl an’ boy
Besides the triplets that has come to Hezeki McCoy,
An’ other babies! Man alive! You can’t walk anywhere’s
Thought bumpin into kerriges with youthful sons and heirs.
It’s jest a kid procession from the school-house to the mill –
But it isn’t in the census that they took o’ Bowersville.

The census man — he needn’t say he didin’t see ‘em all,
He might be blind, but surely he could easy hear ‘em bawl!
An’ that’s why we’re a kickin’ on the census man’s report –
We got a blame good notion for to take the case to court.
We think the census taker is in danger o’ the law,
Fer classin’ Bowersville along with shrinkin’ Omaha.

San Antonio Light (San Antonio, Texas) Sep 30, 1900

Census Taker

PUZZLED CENSUS TAKER

“Got any boys?” the Taker said
To a lady from over the Rhine,
And the lady shook her flaxen head,
And civilly answered, “Nine!”

“Got any girls?” the Taker said
To the lady from over the Rhine,
And again the lady shook her head
And civilly answered “Nine!”

“Husband, of Course?” the Taker said
To the lady from over the Rhine,
And again she shook her flaxen head
And civilly answered “Nine!”

“The deuce you have!” the Taker said
To the lady from over the Rhine,
And again she shook her flaxen head
And civilly answered “Nine!”

“Now what do you mean by shaking your head
And always answering Nine!”
“Ich kunn nicht English!” civilly said
The lady from over the Rhine.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume XXXI, Issue 5669,  Nov 13, 1875, Pg 1

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Tags: 1875, 1900, Census, Census Taker, Humor, Poetry