The Gladsome Tidings.
How gladly do I read the paper every blessed day!
It shows me that this world of ours is always blithe and gay.
It tells me in the headlines:”Slayer Sentenced Fifteen Years.”
“The Father of Terrazas, Fils, is Leaking Tons of Tears;”
“Beneath a Bridge a Body’s Found All Mangled — Son Suspected;”
“Big Scandal Over Funds With Which Town Hall Should Be Erected;”
“Two Autos Crash and Kill Some Folks Who Joyfully Were Speeding;”
“Professor Says Eugenics Don’t Improve the Plan of Breeding;”
“Train Robbed and Mail Clerks Shot to Death Down in the Sunny South;”
“Policeman Beats a Prisoner Across the Nose and Mouth;”
“Two Burglars Shoot Two Ladies Who Their Treasure Were Defending;”
“Child Weeps Above Its Mother’s Form — a Picture Bosom-Rending;”
“Two Brutes Assault a Woman — Mob in Search of Miscreants;”
“A Dainty Girl From Vassar Runs Away in Father’s Pants;”
“Many Paralyzed By Torture Near the Town of San Berdoo;”
“Two Witnesses Were Perjured, Though the Court Had Thought Them True;”
“A White Slave Case Develops As Result of Late Arrests;”
“A Boarding House Proprietress Steals Jewels From Her Guests.”
Oh, I can scarcely wait at morn till from my peaceful bed
I rise and seek the paper whence these cheerful notes are read.
It keeps me optimistic all the songful daytime through,
And fortifies my spirits ‘against those little devils blue.
New Castle News (New Castle, Pennsylvania) May 12, 1914