Henpecked Humor

from OldMadeQuilts.com

from OldMadeQuilts.com

Admits He Was One.

Mrs. Henpeck — You acted like a fool when you proposed to me.
Henpeck — That wasn’t acting, my dear. — Pearson’s Weekly

Indiana Weekly Messenger (Indiana, Pennsylvania) Jun 26, 1907


Good Evidence.

“Ah,” mused  the phrenologist, passing the hand over the bumps upon the head of Mr. Henpeck, “the element of combativeness is very largely developed.”

“Yes,” said Mr. Henpeck, sotto voce, “but you are supposed to be reading my character, not my wife’s.” — Baltimore American.

The Newark Advocate (Newark, Ohio) Sep 16, 1901


“Henpeck is a regular mouse in disposition, isn’t he?”

“Heavens, no! His wife hasn’t the slightest fear of him.”
— Philadelphia Record.

The Daily Review (Decatur, Illinois) Nov 20, 1899


No Such Luck for Him.

Gibbs — Say, Henpeck, what would you do if your wife should elope with another man?

Henpeck — (sorrowfully) — Please don’t talk about such a thing to me. You know very well that I’m not a lucky man.
–Texas Siftings.

New Castle News (New Castle, Pennsylvania) Jan 25, 1896


Mrs. Ruggles — Does your husband ever talk politics around the house?

Mrs. Henpeck — My husband never talks anything around the house.

Mr. Henpeck — Are you the man who spoke impatiently to my wife?

Stranger — Yes, sir.

Mr. Henpeck — Then you are either a lunatic or a hero.

New Castle News (New Castle, Pennsylvania) Nov 7, 1900


So Unlike.

Ascum — If “brethern” is a synonym for “brothers,” why not “sistern” for “sisters?”

Henpeck — Nonsense! I’ve often heard of a cistern that would dry up occasionally.
— Cleveland Leader.

New Castle News (New Castle, Pennsylvania) Sep 2, 1903


The Real Thing.

Stubb — There goes Henpeck in his machine. Where is he going in such a hurry?

Penn — Joy riding.

Stubb — Joy riding?

Penn — Yes, he is going to take his wife to the station and she is going to be gone two weeks.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 19, 1909


Mrs. Henpeck — “I have no control over my husband at all any more.”

Mrs. Wunder — “What’s wrong?”

Mrs. Henpeck — “He secured a certified copy of the census enumerator’s record showing that I had given his name as the head of the family.”
–Baltimore American.

The Daily Northwestern (Oshkosh, Wisconsin) Dec 12, 1900

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