Smoking Monkeys and the Bard’s Gaudeamus

Lines on Man.

Way back in those archaic days when time for man got ripe,
A tailless ape set on a tree and smoked a penny pipe,
And as he smoked, lo, thought began.
He knew that he enjoyed,
(Be not surprised at this — you see, that ape was anthropoid.)
Thus thought began, and thought is all that makes a man;
So be it known that thus in smoke the human race begain.
But mark how in a circle move all sublunary things;
Events, like smoke, resolve themselves into expanding rings;
And as the monkey’s pipe made thought, and thought created man,
The cigarette shall take him back to just where he began.

The News (Frederick, Maryland)  Jun 20,  1891

Don’t believe the naysayers, these people have irrefutable proof that smoking is good for your health!

From the Augusta Medical Journal.

It may be interesting to our readers to learn that the London Lancet, probably the greatest medical authority in the world, strongly advocated smoking tobacco in rooms, especially damp ones, in order to kill the bacilli, microbes and disease germs  therein abounding. Very few rooms are free from these unwelcome visitors, but their virulence can be destroyed or lessened by tobacco smoke. It is especially deadly to the microbes of catarrh and diphtheria, which are so frequently found in damp rooms. We take occasion to recommend this to professors and students in colleges, and to all who are engaged in any indoor sedentary occupation. Statistics have irrefutably proved, time and time again, that smokers enjoy a longer and healthier life than non-smokers; a fact which our own observation of life around us leads us to believe. We warmly advocate, then, indoor smoking.

The News (Frederick, Maryland) Jun 22, 1891

The Bard’s Gaudiamus.
And now that Summer soft and sweet
Has in its gentle zephyr wound us,
And by its tender charms complete
So dearly to itself has bound us.
I sit me at the foot of day
All merged into the twilight’s witching.
And watch the fire-fly at its play,
With brilliant sparks the dusk enriching;
And with the smoke of my cigar
I fashion forth a thousand fancies,
That bear me near or bear me far —
Now upward with ambition’s glances,
Now to the quiet wooded nooks,
Now by the ocean’s foaming surges,
Now to the memory of my books,
Now here, now there, where humor urges;
Now to a dream of one fair face —
Ah, eyes of blue so strangely luring’
And then — Well, then, dear God of Grace,
Why mayn’t this last be all enduring’
But far beyond the smoke’s faint ends,
Whose mists do not my vision mar,
I see a group of my good friends
And thank them much for this cigar.

— The Bentztown Bard.

The News (Frederick, Maryland) Jul 9, 1891


I guess the Bentztown Bard was not happy with the above impersonator.

Now, isn’t it truly awful
That somebody, anxious for fame,
Should in a manner unlawful
Write masculine verse in my name!
And with it, O, shades of the South!
Should boldly and to a degree
Put a cigar into the mouth
Of a delicate lady like me!

–The Bentztown Bard.

The News (Frederick, Maryland) Jul 13, 1891

Link to the English translation of the Gaudeamus Igitur with a music clip.

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