Legs!

caught the following discourse on a pertinent subject on the second bounce. It is from the pen, or typewriter, of Grenville Kleiser of the New York Sun and bears the only title it could bear, “Legs:”

Legs, legs, legs, legs,
We deplore displays of legs!
Legs in print and on the street,
Legs that drag with clumsy feet;
Legs as thin as tallest stork,
Legs that look like fatted pork;
Legs disgrace to human race,
Legs that shriek right in one’s face;
Legs that wabble when they dance,
Legs at which one looks askance;
Legs as frail as robin’s eggs,
Legs resembling piano legs;
Legs on sofas and on chairs,
Legs that do not look like pairs;
Legs too slim and legs too stout,
Legs quite handicapped with gout;
Legs that summon tears to eyes,
Legs of ugly shape and size;
Legs on taxis, trains and trams,
Legs that look like bloated hams;
Legs made up for obvious show,
Legs that wander to and fro;
Legs about to break in two,
Legs that really are taboo;
Legs too short and legs too long,
Legs misshapen, bowed all wrong;
Legs puffed up with human pride,
Legs that frankly ought to hide;
Legs of doubtbul kind of name,
Legs devoid of sense of shame;
Legs as loud as raucous words,
Legs that congregate in herds;
Legs that bore me everywhere —
Still, I cannot help but stare!

Mason City Globe Gazette (Mason City, Iowa) Aug 24, 1929

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