Archive for September 22nd, 2010

Vines and Lies

September 22, 2010

A California paper tells about a boy climbing a tomato vine to get away from a mad dog Tomato vines attain an enormous size in California, and so do lies.

Galveston Daily News (Galveston, Texas) Oct 19, 1873

More School Humor

September 22, 2010

Teacher — And so we find that heat expands things, and cold contracts them. Can anyone give me an example of this?

Bright Student — Yes, ma’am. The days are longer in summer.

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If somebody else is doing your thinking, it’s very likely you are doing somebody else’s working.

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Father — So you know as much as the teacher, do you? Where did you get that idea?

Son — She told me herself. She said she couldn’t teach me anything.

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A Man Speaking — That brother of mine is sure smart. He’s only sixteen but he’s been clear through Reform school.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Oct 27, 1930

Teacher — Really, Johnny, your handwriting is terrible. You must learn to write better.

Johnny — Well, if I did, you’d be finding fault with my spelling.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Oct 30, 1930

Teacher — Parse the sentence, “Bill married Mary.”

Pupil — Bill’s a noun because he’s the name of something; because it joins Bill to Mary, married is therefore a conjunction, and Mary’s a verb, because she governs the noun.

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Teacher — And now will someone please give me a sentence using the word “candor”?

Bright Boy in Front Seat — My daddy had a pretty stenographer in his office, but after mother saw her, he candor.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 5, 1930

Mother — What did my little girl learn in school today?

Betty Jean — Oh, mother, do I have to educate you all over again?

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 11, 1930

Teacher — Johnny, can you tell me what a hypocrite is?

Johnny — Yes, ma’am. It’s a boy that comes to school with a smile on his face.

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A small boy was asked to write an essay in as few words as possible on two of life’s greatest problems. He wrote: “Twins.”

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 20, 1930

TRY IT, AND SEE

Teacher — What is half of eight, Frank?

Frank — Which way, teacher?

Teacher — What do you mean, which way?

Frank — On top, or sideways?

Teacher (bewildered) What difference does it make?

Frank — Well, half of the top of eight is zero, but half of eight sideways is three.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Mar 23, 1931