Advice to Unmarried Ladies.
Found among some MSS. of a late Dowager.
If you have blue eyes — languish.
If black eyes — leer.
If you have pretty feet — wear short petticoats.
If you are the least doubtful as to that point — let them be rather long.
If you have good teeth — don’t forget to laugh now and then.
If you have bad ones — you must only simper.
While you are young — sit with your face to the light.
When you are a little advanced — sit with your back to the window.
If you have a bad voice — always speak in a low tone.
If it is acknowledged that you have a fine voice — never speak in a high tone.
If you dance well — dance but seldom.
If you dance ill — never dance at all.
If you sing well – make no previous excuses.
If you sing indifferently — hesitate not a moment when you are asked, for few persons are competent judges of singing, but every one is sensible of a desire to please.
If in conversation, you think a person wrong — rather hint of a difference of opinion, than offer a contradiction.
If you find a person telling an absolute falsehood — let it pass over in silence, for it is not worth your while to any one your enemy by proving him a liar.
It is always in your power to make a friend by smiles — what a folly to make enemies by frowns.
When you have an opportunity to praise — do it with all your heart.
When you are forced to blame — appear, at least, to do it with reluctance.
If you are envious of another woman — never show it but by allowing her every good quality and perfection except those which she really possesses.
If you wish to let the world know you are in love with a particular man — treat him with formality, and every one else with ease and freedom.
If you are disposed to be pettish or insolent — it is better to exercise your ill humor on your dog, your cat, or your servant, than your friends.
If you would preserve beauty — rise early.
If you would preserve esteem — be gentle.
If you would obtain power — be condescending.
If you would live happy — endeavor to promote the happiness of others.
Southport American (Southport, Wisconsin) Jul 11, 1849