Archive for March 16th, 2011

The Tooth Ache

March 16, 2011

Image from the Vintage Ad Browser website.


I smoked twelve boxes of cigars,
(‘Tis nothing but the truth,)
I chewed tobacco full ten pounds,
To soothe my aching tooth.

I filled it up with opium,
I ate not any food,
I swallowed quarts of ague drops,
But ache my grinder would.

As last I said I’d have it out,
And to the dentist went,
But when I sat me in his chair,
I vow I did repent.

But when his bloody instruments
Were ranged before my sight,
I jumped full five feet from the floor,
And yelled with all my might.

“My friend,” said he, “I’ll draw your tooth
With less degree of pain
Than any dentist in the town:”
And sat me down again.

He took hold with his savage things —
I uttered a loud cry:
“Dear sir,” said he, “I’ll hurt you not” —
“Dear sir,” said I, “you lie!”

He pulled, he tugged — then out it came,
That horrid tooth of mine!
The monster nearly broke my jaw!
And charged me six and nine!

The Ohio Repository (Canton, Ohio) Mar 17, 1836