Aw, Beans!

AW BEANS!

(A play in 4 acks.)

Ack 1.

Boy: Hay ma, would you mind please taking me down town so I can see Santa Claws and tell him wat I wunt for Chrissmas?

Boys mother: Wy certeny, the plezzure will be all mine.

Ack 2.

Skinny Salivation Army Santa Claws: How do you do, boys? Wats you wunt for Chrissmas if youre a good boy?

Boy: Ice skates, a sled, a drum and gum boots, thanks.

Ack 3.

Fat Salivation Army Santa Claws: Hello there, boy. Wat can I do for you this Chrissmas in case youre a good boy?

Boy: Holey smoaks, are you Santa Claws?

Fat Salivation Army Santa Claws: Certeny.

Boy: Well then who was that other guy?

Fat Salivation Army Santa Claws: Are you going to tell me wat you wunt or are you going to pass on and give somebody elts a chance, wich?

Boy: Ice skate, a sled, a drum and gum boots, thanks.

Ack 4.

Reel Santa Claws: Ah there, boy enything speshil you wunt for Chrissmus and if so wat?

Boy: Aw beans!

Reel Santa Claws: Beans for Chrissmas? Haw haw wat a unusual child.

Boy: Youre the 3rd guy told me they was Santa Claus.

Reel Santa Claws: But I reely am.

Boy: Aw beans!

Reel Santa Claus: You can ask your mother if I aint.

Boys mother: How can I tell?

Boy: Aw beans, lets go home, ma.

(Wich they do.)

Reel Santa Claws: Darn the luck.

The end.

Ogden Standard Examiner (Ogden, Utah) Dec 11, 1920

Appleton Post Crescent (Appleton, Wisconsin) Dec 3, 1921

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