THE SWEET BY AND BY.
In the happy time a-coming there’ll be nothing to provoke,
But everybody then shall wear a light and easy yoke;
The scores of quite distressing things that pain us every day
Will in that blissful afterwhile be banished far away.
There’ll be no broken cables then our wishes to defeat,
And when we pay our nickel we shall always get a seat;
Nor shall we have to wave both arms to catch the carman’s eye,
He’ll stop for us unsignaled in the sweet by and by.
The fellow with the cigarette, oh, he will not be there,
But in the other place, you know. Will anybody care?
For since he’s fond of smoking ’twill be better far that he
Shall go where he amy smoke and smoke through all eternity.
The man who on the crowded street keeps turning to the left
It pleases us to say of his sweet face we’ll be bereft;
And women who with parasols are jabbing at our eye,
They never can come near us in the sweet by and by.
And she who wears a mammoth hat while at the theater,
Oh, then is when with goulish glee we’ll have the laugh on her;
For while the one she tortured will the pearly gates pass through,
St. Peter, with an awful frown, will say to her, “Go to.”
The bores who tell us stories we have heard a hundred times
And long haired, crazy poets with their soft, insipid rhymes —
And likewise all the fishermen who lie and lie and lie —
They’ll never more disturb us in the sweet by and by.
The broken elevator and the bridge forever turned,
These nuisances will nowhere in that city be discerned.
But this will please us more than all the jasper, gold and pearl —
We’ll no more have to battle with the awful servant girl.
The ice man and the coal man — it will fill our hearts with mirth
To knwo that while they may connive to won the entire earth
Cannot possess, when later on their time shall come to die,
The merest, tiny portion of the sweet by and by.
The man who says, “I told you so,” and fortunately, too,
The summer chump who asks us, “Is it hot enough for you?”
Will both be barred; and better yet, they’ll shut out every one
Who whistles “Comrades,” “Annie Rooney,” “Johnny, Get Your Gun!”
And it is pleasant just to think no woman there shall come
Who while on earth in public ever toyed with chewing gum.
Oh, the place will be delightful, and it’s worth our while to try
To get a lead pipe cinch upon the sweet by and by.
— Chicago Tribune.
Edwardsville Intelligencer (Edwardsville, Illinois) Jan 23, 1892