Image from New Castle News (New Castle, Pennsylvania) Mar 26, 1948
Woman Teacher Is Declared Fire Hazard In Goofy News
Man Was Bitten By His Own False Teeth And Somebody Stole Kansas City Lamp Post
NEW YORK, March 31. — (AP) — Somebody stole a lamp post . . . a cop tagged his wife’s car . . . and a man was bitten by his own false teeth — and that’s no April Fool!
It all happened in last week’s International Cavalcade of Cockeyed Occurrences, chronicled and catalogued herewith in your weekly Goofy Gazette.
The affair of the false teeth occurred this way: A Chicago man slipped off a bench, his store molars flew out of his mouth, ricocheted off his forehead, and — just plain bit him.
The cop who had the nerve to tag his wife was Officer Guy Barnes of Rochester, Minn. Take a bow, Mr. Barnes!
The theft of the lamp post occurred in Kansas City, and there just isn’t any explanation. You never can tell — some Atlantic City, N.J., thieves stole enough sleeping powders to put away 30,000 insomniacs!
A French soldier was discovered marching to the front pushing his equipment in a baby carriage . . . the 20 members of the Boston city council inadvertently cast 22 votes . . . and an Eastport, Md., hen on Easter laid an egg containing a yolk, a white, and — another egg!
Exasperation dept: A St. Louis man got so sore talking to a girl on the telephone that he ripped out the receiver . . . a Newport News, Va., man got so mad waiting while somebody monopolized a pay telephone that he smashed the door in . . . and after snowplows repeatedly buried his mail box, an Ashland, Me., farmer nailed it onto a barn gable and put a ladder there — for the mailman to climb!
The New York City education board pronounced a teacher a fire hazard on the ground she weighed 275 pounds and was liable to block doorways . . . while a Washington policeman was reading an advertisement about a lost cat the cat walked into the police station . . . and when a Muncie, Ind., man had a tree cut down so it wouldn’t fall on his house, it — fell on his house!
In Cleveland, Miss., a prisoner in the jail there fashioned a revolver out of soap — and it DIDN’T fool the jailer.
Morning Herald (Uniontown, Pennsylvania) Apr 1, 1940