Archive for May 23rd, 2012

No Excuse — Whupp-ee!

May 23, 2012

Image from the Skagit River Journal

No Excuse.

American Traveler.

A quiet looking man went into a saloon remarking to the bar-tender:

“I would like very much to have a drink. I haven’t any money, and it is unnecessary to make a promise.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, sir.”

“Got a pain in your stomach?”

“No, my stomach is all right.”

“Haven’t got the rheumatism?”

“No, sir.”

“Toothache?”

“No.”

“Been disappointed in anything?”

“No, sir.”

“Here, sir, allow me to make you a present of a fine bottle of whiskey. You are the only man I ever saw who makes no excuse for drinking. Whenever you want anything come around,” and he turned away to wait on a man who was suffering with neuralgia.

The Landmark (Statesville, North Carolina) May 11, 1883

*****

*****

Lima News (Lima, Ohio) May 20, 1919

Desperado and Cigar Smoking Girl Slain

May 23, 2012

Clyde Barrow and his gunwoman companion, Bonnie Parker, were shot and killed today by Texas and Louisiana officers who beat them to the trigger pull.

Their crime career ended in a blaze of riot gun fire when, disregarding a command to halt and unable to get their weapons into play, the desperado and his cigar smoking girl were riddled with bullets as they drove their car past ambushed officers at 85 miles an hour.

The car careened into an embankment and was wrecked.

In the wreckage the officers found both bodies riddled with bullets. Bonnie was almost doubled over the machine gun she held in her lap. Barrow’s broken body was twisted behind the steering wheel, a revolver gripped in one hand.

The Lincoln Star (Lincoln, Nebraska) May 23, 1934

Cook The Cat

May 23, 2012

Image from Bridgeman Art Culture History

Cook The Cat.

“Please, sir, there’s nothing in the house to eat,” said Brown’s landlady.

“How about the fish I sent in?”

“Please, sir, the cat ‘ave eat them.”

“Then there’s some cold chicken –”

“Please, sir, the cat –”

“Wasn’t there a tart of some sort?”

“Please, sir, the cat –”

“All right, I must do with the cheese and –”

“Please, sir, the cat –”

“Then d— it, cook the cat, and let’s have all at once.”

— [Exchange.

The San Antonio Light (San Antonio, Texas) Apr 14, 1883