Evenhanded Science

Image from Twister SifterVintage Mugshots

EVENHANDED SCIENCE

By James J. Montague

The burglar made small trouble through the years
When he wholly was dependent on himself,
For he wasn’t very wide between the ears
And he made a rather trifling plie of pelf.
With a jimmy and a blackjack as his aids
And his finger prints to leave a glaring trail
It was seldom that his bold, nocturnal raids
Did not land him very shortly, in a jail.

But when science learned the use of T N T —
When it found out how to make a diamond drill
Then the yegg man and the thug began to see
The advantage of enlightened modern skill.
In the reading rooms were found the leading crooks
Spending many earnest hours at a time
In perusing all the scientific books
Which would aid them in the latest arts of crime.

Now, proficient in the chemist’s highest art,
Knowing how to blow a safe without a sound
How to pry  the very strongest vault apart
Without wakening a single soul around.
And to glove their hands before they start a job
So they will not leave behind a finger print,
They may confidently undertake to rob
Any safe that isn’t guarded like a mint.

Science has no pets among the human race —
She supplies the good with moving picture shows
She has scattered automobiles every place
She has cut down trees to fashion silken hose.
She has showered lavish gifts on you and me
And, though giving her her just and honest due,
Any thinking man can hardly fail to see
That the criminal has benefitted, too.

Montana Standard (Butte, Montana) Sep 17, 1928

Image from Kitchy Kitchy Coo

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