Posts Tagged ‘School Humor’

A School-Girl of the Period

December 12, 2011

Image from Holy Cats!

A School-Girl of the Period.

Geography? Yes, there’s a lesson each day,
But it’s awfully hard to remember.
We’ve been in South Africa nearly a month;
Perhaps we’d go north by November.

What History have we? It’s quite a big book.
Without any pictures — the bother!
To-day I was told I’d sustained a defeat
In the battle of — something or other!

Arithmetic? Oh, it’s the bane of my life!
No matter how hard I may study,
My knowledge of dividends, fractions, and rules
Continues unchangeably muddy.

Proficient in spelling? I hope that I am,
Though I shine less as writer than talker;
And don’t mind confessing how often I use
A pocket-edition of Walker.

I write compositions? Of course, once a week —
We’ve such a dull subject to-morrow!
I manage to spin out a page and a half,
Though lots of girls copy and borrow.

You ask me which lesson of all I prefer?
You’ll think my reply quite alarming;
In French we’ve a gentleman teacher you know
And somehow it’s perfectly charming.

— EDGAR FAWCEIT, in Harper’s Magazine for October.

Cambridge City Tribune (Cambridge City, Indiana) Oct 14, 1869

Grandpa Knows Different

August 17, 2011

Why, Artie, — I’m surprised!

Now, when I was a boy I liked to go to school

— thought it was fine —

wanted to get an education etc…

Lincoln State Journal (Lincoln, Nebraska) Sep 13, 1921

More School Humor

September 22, 2010

Teacher — And so we find that heat expands things, and cold contracts them. Can anyone give me an example of this?

Bright Student — Yes, ma’am. The days are longer in summer.

*  *  *  *  *

If somebody else is doing your thinking, it’s very likely you are doing somebody else’s working.

*  *  *  *  *

Father — So you know as much as the teacher, do you? Where did you get that idea?

Son — She told me herself. She said she couldn’t teach me anything.

*  *  *  *  *

A Man Speaking — That brother of mine is sure smart. He’s only sixteen but he’s been clear through Reform school.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Oct 27, 1930

Teacher — Really, Johnny, your handwriting is terrible. You must learn to write better.

Johnny — Well, if I did, you’d be finding fault with my spelling.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Oct 30, 1930

Teacher — Parse the sentence, “Bill married Mary.”

Pupil — Bill’s a noun because he’s the name of something; because it joins Bill to Mary, married is therefore a conjunction, and Mary’s a verb, because she governs the noun.

*  *  *  *  *

Teacher — And now will someone please give me a sentence using the word “candor”?

Bright Boy in Front Seat — My daddy had a pretty stenographer in his office, but after mother saw her, he candor.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 5, 1930

Mother — What did my little girl learn in school today?

Betty Jean — Oh, mother, do I have to educate you all over again?

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 11, 1930

Teacher — Johnny, can you tell me what a hypocrite is?

Johnny — Yes, ma’am. It’s a boy that comes to school with a smile on his face.

*  *  *  *  *

A small boy was asked to write an essay in as few words as possible on two of life’s greatest problems. He wrote: “Twins.”

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Nov 20, 1930


Teacher — What is half of eight, Frank?

Frank — Which way, teacher?

Teacher — What do you mean, which way?

Frank — On top, or sideways?

Teacher (bewildered) What difference does it make?

Frank — Well, half of the top of eight is zero, but half of eight sideways is three.

Sheboygan Press (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) Mar 23, 1931