Posts Tagged ‘Spanking’

At Wit’s End

August 25, 2012

At Wit’s End

by Erma Bombeck

In response to a column on “Never Strike Your Child In Anger,” Tom Byrnes of Lake Bluff, Ill., offers this tongue-in-cheek question as to when do you strike them. He is the father of 12 children and grandfather to 14.

Never strike your child in anger,
Never hit him when irate,
But save it for some happy time,
When both are feeling great.
Save it for some pleasant bedtime,
And as you tuck him in his crib,
Clench your fist and let him have it,
Or better, choke him with his bib.
Or wait until a Sunday morning;
Try to catch him at his prayers,
And as he whispers, “Dod bwess Dada,”
Kick him neatly down the stairs.
Or how about a Happy Birthday,
When friends and laughter fill the house,
Then bash him with a cake you’ve lettered,
“Greetings to a little louse.”
Or how about a family outing,
A Sunday morning at the zoo,
And when it’s time to feed the lions,
Supplement with you-know-who.
Or take him with you on an airplane,
The family plan’s the cheapest way,
And when it reaches cruising level,
Tell him, “Go outside and play.”
Although he breaks a Wedgewood platter,
Spills your bourbon on the floor,
Never strike a child in anger,
It isn’t civilized anymore.
It makes the child feel insecure,
When parents strike or even shove,
But you can do him in completely,
As long as it’s done with love.

Copyright 1976 Field Enterprises, Inc.

Las Vegas Optic (Las Vegas, New Mexico) Aug 26, 1976

“My Wife Didn’t Want a Divorce…”

November 9, 2011

Image from Tokyo Rose WW2

Solved Divorce Problem by Taking Wife Across Knee and Spanking Her

N.Y. Sun-Syracuse Herald — Special.

Evansville, Ind., March 1 — “I don’t kneed a lawyer to fight a divorce case,” said Frank Kuebler when told his wife had sued him.

Kuebler is a wealthy farmer and an educated man. His wife charged him with cruel treatment. As soon as he was informed of the suit he drove home and there faced his wife. He took her across his lap and spanked her with a slipper, according to her statements to the neighbors.

Kuebler and his wife came to her lawyer’s office here and she directed the attorney to immediately dismiss the suit for divorce.

“My wife didn’t want a divorce and I soon showed her she didn’t,” said Kuebler.

Syracuse Herald (Syracuse, New York) Mar 5, 1911